Ways To Eliminate Couples' Power Struggles

   

Did you ever wonder why a couple could be struggling for power to exert control over each other?

That looks like a mini-play tItled "Drifting Apart" in motion and warning signs of future separations or divorce, if unaddressed. 

They are stark evidences of a relationship being overwhelmed by  negative personality traits and conflicts, in full display at their worst levels.

Indeed, if one were to make effective effort at eliminating relationship conflicts, couples must have to tackle the menace of  struggling for control and power within themselves.

Therefore, our task in this article is to identify how couples can tame  that bogey and  effectively reverse that trend, to prevent future divorce activity.

Track the subtopics below to participate.

• A Look At' Power Struggles Within Couples
  
• The Causative Factors
  
• Impact Of Control Tussles
  
• Practical Cures For Domination Contests

 Eliminating Relationship Conflicts: 

How does power struggle even begin amongst couples?

As partners strife to maintain a healthy aiance, how does "bickering over who controls who" escalate or moderate   conflicts?

More to the point, since our chief aim is to analyze couple fault-lines vis-a-vis eliminating relationship conflicts, we ought to identify the dangers it portrays and subsequently proffer workable solutions.

In simple terms, power struggle refers to situations whereby two or more people, partners, or organizations are competing for influence over one another. 

Strategizing for dominance, or trying to dictate affairs in a  partnership, is a delicate and explosive issue.

Couples jostle for supremacy  due to many purposes, but I think these ones I have itemized below constitute 

the primary factors:

• Desire for control and  overriding influence over decisions, actions, and outcomes in the relationship.

• For dominance and  prove of  superiority over one's partner.

• To counter or combat feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, and fear of vulnerability

• Competing conflicting values, goals, priorities, beliefs, or aspirations 

If you are not familiar with the sort of bedlam that tussles between couples resembles, let's  employ this analogy to clarify the subject.  

Let's assume that a married couple engages you to write their marriage memoir.

As you proceed on the task, of course, you realize you would have to occasionally clarify some issues from them.

You expect to receive a unified or harmonious position from both of them, but unfortunately what you get is different.

For example, the husband may narrate an event to you in one way, while the spouse could relate the same story with absolutely different details.

As it develops, you begin to find it difficult to  believe they are both talking about the same experience to you.

It certainly doesn't feel like they are united on the subject. 

Indeed, each of them appear to be desperate about imposing  his or her own version on the process, complete with selfish emphasis and distortions.

One undeniable fact emerges: they surely come across like two people competing  with each other to win some invisible prize.

Soon, it dawns on you that you are not just writing one memoir but actually two different versions of it for the same couple.

To illustrate:

Mr. "A" tells you they had lunch at Parks Hotel at 2pm on 25th December 2020

Mrs. "A" insists the dinner took place at Memphis Garden at 12noon on 15th of November 2019.

And it goes on and on, from one contradictory snippet to another.

To add source to this special delicacy, of couple's faultlines, each of them insists you must only write his or her own side of the memoir, or you won't get paid!

Believe me, if you don't eventually throw your pen away in frustration, you might have to ask them to pay for two different productions!

How about that for power tussles?

Factors For Couples' Struggles For Dominance

1. Have you ever seen

 an  overbearing attitude on display?

It is persistently seeking to dictate or control what other people do.

It usually generates feelings of resentment, frustration, and suffocation. 

2.  Another factor 

is a sense of insecurity and the fear of losing out.  

For example, a couple for whatever reasons, may feel insecure and afraid that the relationship is not favouring them.

This mindset usually motivates them to struggle for dominance and advantage.

3.  A superiority Complex, 

carelessly flaunted by a partner, is enough to ignite a clash of emotions. 

Add ego or negative pride to it and the product will be an outright superiority contest.

4.  Lack of trust

will always create suspicion, which is a common motive for power struggles.

When couples find it difficult to trust themselves, they will contest for control in order to protect their own rights and interests.  

5.  The struggle 

may also have its origin in constant  communication gaps, causing  misunderstandings and misconceptions.

In turn, not understanding or being certain of each other's mindset and plans can create fertile ground for hostilities and struggles. 

6. Also, it could be a

 scramble to be in charge over money matters.

Understandably,  whenever they disagree over finances, it is common for people to jostle for advantage in favour of their individual priorities.

7.  Conflicting gender-based stereotypes,

 cultural and  societal norms could be the cause of muscle-flexing scenarios.

This refers to some settings where it is the rule that a man must be the head and sole authority over the family.

This might not sit well with the other person. It may therefore spark off challenges for dominance, especially whereby the woman refuses to be treated as a subordinate.

8.  Contention 

may also occur in the form of attempts to determine who does or gets what.

As a case in point, a couple may be agitating and fighting to gain the upper hand over the following issues:

• some specific roles and duties

• household chores, and

•  certain responsibilities.

9.  Oftentimes, a lack of intimacy 

may create strangers out of a couple.

Since they are no longer  emotionally connected, they could begin to focus on pursuing different confrontational agendas under the same roof.

10.   Sometimes too, strife for authority 

may result from a couple's inability to accept their cultural diversities.

For instance, rather than agreeing to live harmoniously, they may struggle to impose their  personal core values, beliefs, and principles on each other.

11. A bossy I-should-be-in-charge  attitude

 may also flag off a rat race for control in a relationship.

This usually leads to attempts by either partner to impose decisions in a bid to be in control of affairs between them.

12.  Peer Group Influence 

and  external advice or interference may also set off struggles for control.

For instance, friends and extended family members may start advising or influencing couples negatively.

If they point out individual excesses in behaviour, they could successfully antagonize a duo against each other and cause them to jostle for authority.

Its Impact On A Couple

Flowing from what we have discovered so far, it is quite obvious that struggling for power in a relationship is not s good development.

Let's examine some of its effects on couples as follows:

1.  It imposes emotional burdens on those concerned.

It is indeed an activity which exerts a huge toll on couples and drains them emotionally by causing distress, resentment, frustration, and anxiety.

2. Couples grappling for domination 

over one another have no time for meaningful or positive interactions.

All you would observe are acts of defensiveness, criticism, and stonewalling.

As a result, there would be a breakdown in constructive communication.

3.  Trust becomes an helpless casualty.

When couples are embroiled in the heat of competing or jostling for superiority, there can only be room for distrust, suspicion, etc, and none for mutual trust.

4.  Situations can rapidly deteriorate from bad to worse.

When power struggles become frequent, they will  amplify disaffection and escalate minor streams of disagreements into major conflicts.

5.  Seeing eye-to-eye becomes virtually impossible.

Power struggles  will not permit couples to compromise on issues.

As long as the rat race is on, they can never agree on finding mutually beneficial solutions to their challenges.

6. It impacts negatively on affairs

 even beyond the Home front.

Power struggles will definitely have negative impact on a couples' work, family, and friendships.

7.  It equally has medical implications

 for everyone involved.

For instance, it may subject couples to chronic stress, high blood pressure, and other terrible conditions which may greatly harm their physical health.

8.  Also, when couples struggle 

for supremacy, it transforms their environment into a toxic one.

It could mean constant quarrelling, fighting, mischievous activities, even physical abuse, etc.

9.  Love and intimacy

 will suddenly become scarce commodities.

How can a couple so engrossed in fighting for relevance, control, and supremacy even remember what brought them together in the first place?

It will severe their emotional connectivity for as long as it rages.

10. Needless to say, 

it will deny them of certain fundamental ingredients which enhance bonding.

I am referring to lack of  emotional support and validation, which are essential for sustaining relationships.

11.  Finally , if power struggles continue 

for too long, it may spell doom for their alliance.

Simply put, if they can't mend fences, the couple may have to go their separate ways.

11 Cures For Couples' Supremacy Tussles

Are there effective ways to eliminate couples' power struggles?

As applies in all situations, there is hardly any problem without solution - or at least a workaround.

Let us identify some of the means that a couple can explore to enable them forestall power struggles with them.

1.  Stop the constant criticizing of each other.

End the blame games already. 

It does nothing but create room for unhealthy competitions and clash of willpower.

It is more fruitful to identify and focus on the problems or challenges and concentrate on finding solutions to them.

2.  Learn to compromise, 

because nobody can be infallible. 

Avoid adopting rigid positions. Hard stances have a way of pinning you to a point of no return, and they resolve nothing.

Compromise is the stuff to break down walls of conflicts and the easiest means to  produce reconciliation and peace.

3.  Listen to yourselves actively. 

Be attentive, interested, and responsive. Do it without judging or interrupting. 

Couples who do so will find it easier to relate well and establish good rapport or cordiality.

This makes it unnecessary to compete or jostle for advantage or dominance.

4.  Openly show that you appreciate yourselves.

It's very important that couples regularly acknowledge each other's efforts and contributions and express gratitude - without being prompted.

After all, only unappreciated people feel the need to prove that they are relevant or superior.

5.  It's a fact that most tussles 

spring up from lack of familiarity.

So couples need to empathize with themselves.

It will enable them to embrace each other's perspectives and feelings better.

It additionally increases their ability to work together irrespective of individual differences.

6.  Likewise, show mutual respect for yourselves, 

because it is key for peaceful coexistence.

From my experience, couples have embarked on needless struggles to prove needless points, just because they feel slighted or insulted.

Besides, I haven't yet met any guy who loves being disregarded.

7.  Incidentally, we all know 

that personal space is a closely-guarded individual property and can lead to power tussles when it is constantly encroached upon.

Therefore, we should respect and honour each other's individuality, boundaries, individual differences,  peculiarities, and personal space.

They include:

• alone time for meditation, reading time, siesta, etc.

• privacy or right to personal information, thoughts and feelings

• personal boundary, which refers to a person's right to limit how other people can influence or control their personal lives

• Personal autonomy, referring to individual right to decision-making and choices

8.  Moreover, being bossy, egoistical, 

and arrogant are common habits which we earlier identified as factors for unhealthy scrambles for authority.

Let us avoid behaving in insensitive and overbearing manners.

Couples should resist taking unilateral actions on issues that concern both of them and  try to always consult each other in such situations.

9. Furthermore,

 couples should make sure that they share roles, duties and responsibilities as fairly as is possible.

As we discussed earlier, conflicts may arise when one person is saddled with most of the  burdens (e.g. household chores, taking children to school, footing the bills, etc).

It is therefore important that nobody should be allowed to  feel cheated or exploited. 

10.  In addition, to prevent troubles 

over money issues, couples must avoid financial indiscipline.

This is essential, especially with regard to how they manage joint funds and accounts.

They should practice effective accountability and financial discipline, in order to sustain a peaceful financially-healthy relationship.

11.  Finally, be very careful 

of whose advise you accept and act on.

Ordinarily, it is never an ideal thing to allow third parties to interfere in your relationship.

That's because it can be disruptive and corruptive, to say the least.

For example, they can show you betrayal where none exists, or read provocative but untrue meanings into your  actions, thereby causing crisis between you both.

So, I suggest you resist peer group influence and shield your union from extended family members, friends and colleagues, etc 

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