Why do couples in committed relationships find themselves quarrelling or even physically fighting?
Is it true that our actions are driven by our emotions?
If so, what emotions aggregate to motivate divorce moves or activity?
More specific to the subject of this article: what drives Personality Clashes?
Have you ever wondered what could be its root-causes and what the solutions could be?
Indeed, if you've ever admired the things which bring couples together, you should also ask what makes them to diverge or clash.
Let's talk about it, identify their foundations, and proffer likely solutions as a matter of necessity.
We will be guided by the following linked sub-topics:
Ever imagined the triggers for couple fault-lines and the dynamics involved in eliminating relationship conflict?
Perchance you are a dating duo, married spouses, or simply partners in love. You are currently experiencing disharmony in your relationship?
Your partner threatens to file for divorce?
Or, you find yourselves uncontrollably drifting apart from one another?
You can only ignore any of these nagging variables, each within it's relevant context, at risk of breaking up your marriage or relationship.
Ponder on this:
If you had been so helplessly in love before, why are you suddenly falling out of love?
If you once couldn't imagine living without your heart-throb even for a day, why do you unexpectedly find it difficult to breathe the same air together?
Why is it that the bond which once constituted the magnet for unity, has overnight become a divisive reason for conflicts?
Personality clash is a common incident amongst human beings, even more so between couples. It paints a condition, situation or scenario whereby two individuals are naturally and fundamentally distinct or different in characters, values, and lifestyle.
It suggests that because of this they find it very difficult to enjoy a good relationship with each other.
As most of us are no doubt aware, it's not too hard to identify couples who are undergoing personality clashes.
Some common features of such turn of events are:
- electrical constantly-charged negative passions or vibes
- climate of unhealthy competitiveness
- strong evidence of communication gap
- heavy signs of irreconcilable lifestyle, habits and interests
Some Common Causes
At this point, let us identify the common factors which lead to personality clashes, as follows:
1. Personality trait differ from one person to another.
Of course that's the story about all of us.
We just may not find it much of a challenge or stress, because we relate from different points and diversities.
They are easier to manage from a distance, but are different ballgames when you situate them in dealings between couples.
For example, a couple may clash over their contradictory extrovert or introvert habits, agreeable or assertive attitudes, careless or conscientious dispositions, etc.
2. Next, people naturally exhibit different styles
of communicating or interacting, and it usually subjects some to clashes of opinion or approach.
For instance, they could be torn between the following individual styles:
- transparent vs. secretive, etc.
3. Moving on, conflicting values
and beliefs will unfailingly flip every coin in favour of clashes.
Couples constantly have to struggle over differing principles, self-centered priorities, individual opinions and beliefs concerning life, work and relationships most of the time.
4. Again, remember that age-old proverb:
"One man's meat is another man's poison"'.
To put it in simpler terms: What You Like May Be What I Don't.
It aptly expresses the fact that everyone has his or her own preferences, likes, and dislikes - and disagreements over these remain fertile grounds for clashes between couples.
5. Likewise, control issues
mostly lead to clashes between couples, especially whereby any or both of them exhibit desires to be dominant.
In this regard, let me leave it to you to imagine the effects of resistance and power struggles such a situation may generate.
6. Closely related to this,
are the twin emotions of ego and pride which constantly fuel personality clashes.
These self-serving feelings of self-importance would ordinarily promote confrontation and make it impossible for partners to compromise or be apologetic for their misdeeds.
7. To proceed,
too much expectations between couples is another reason for clashes.
The bottom line is that individual standards vary from one person to another. Clashes unfortunately do occur when relationship between a couple is moderated by unrealistic or unnecessary expectations by either of the couples.
8. Further, clashes are often generated
due to personal weakness or lapses in showing empathy, refusal or inability of couples to show understanding for each other, and failure to view issues from the other person's perspective.
9. In addition, external pressures
and stressors do result in personality clashes too .
For example, external pressures, negative advice, and stressors like fear, inferiority complex, selfdoubt, lack of self-control, etc, can negatively distort personality traits and result to clashes.
10. Finally, sometimes the cause
of showdown between couples may be medical
Examples which come to mind are personality disorders such as:
- narcissism (being extremely self-centered with exaggerated sense of self-importance)
- borderline personality disorder (displaying unstable, explosive impulsive actions, self-image issues,etc)
These erratic mix is a breeding ground for chaotic relationships.
Flowing from what we have discovered so far, personality confrontations are not desirable for relationships.
To clarify the point, let's now identify some of their important unhealthy effects or disadvantages.
To start with,
its immediate victim is the relationship itself, due to series of unrelenting clashes, conflicts and tension.
Secondly,
frequent clashes between couples can disconnect them.
Instead of acting together or sharing, it may drive them further apart.
Next, having regular face-off
can increase tension and cause emotional exhaustion, anxiety, and depression within couples.
Also, when couples
are in a state of perpetual disagreements, it is bound to reduce their productivity or performance, and their ability to effectively fulfil their responsibility will diminish.
Likewise, continuous disputes
can cause couples to become incompetent and inefficient in their daily activities and responsibilities.
For instance, it will influence them to repetitively commit errors upon errors and their ability to cooperate will continue to deteriorate.
Aside from the above arguments,
when couples find themselves embroiled in incessant confrontations, how can they engage themselves in productive interactions?
Certainly, their hostilities will eliminate every opportunity for rapport and create serious communication gaps between them.
In another instance,
persons who regularly quarrel or disagree will most likely become victims of a toxic environment and low morale.
More specifically,
frequent clashes between couples in conflict is not only bad, it can cause emotional distress too.
There's additionally the risk that they might consume couples in the following disturbing emotions:
Invariably, unceasing unrest between couples
may as well result to physical fights and injury to either or both of them.
On a final note,
uncontrolled personality challenges may become the proverbial moves to "Give a dog a bad name and hang him"
It means that once somebody's reputation has been dented, it opens them up to suffer hardship and difficulties.
This suggests that such a couple may lose their good reputation and their social standing or public image could be battered or even damaged.
1. Couples who put in the work
and efforts to resolve their personal differences, will enjoy less conflicts and misunderstandings.
They will have a more meaningful and positive relationship.
2. Resolving their clashes
will enable them to focus on positive activities and responsibilities.
This will boost their performance and they could become more productive.
3. A peaceful climate
is always a breeding ground for healthy interactions.
Couples who resist divisive tendencies will undoubtedly enjoy cordiality and communicate more effectively, especially by being able to empathize with one another.
4. A conflict-free habitat
will boost Couples' morale, positively motivate them, and create a vibrant relationship.
5. Once the divisive incidents
of endless clashes is removed, a conducive room for development will be created.
Couples will thus be able to enjoy increased self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and personal growth.
6. Also, unity emerges
once a couple can successfully overcome their disharmony and live in peace.
They will be able to do things together, and unite to solve their problems rather than being at loggerheads.
7. Peaceful cohabiting
also translates to decrease in stress, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion between couples.
It will additionally enhance their mental health and wellbeing.
8. To round up,
because they are able to resolve their conflicts and coexist amicably, the couples' reputation will be enhanced.
They will enjoy better public image.
Expectedly, Resolving Personality Clash is easier to say than to do.
That's primarily because it's not an easy task for couples to avoid offending themselves.
However, there are clear steps they can take to drastically reduce or eliminate such conflicts.
Lets examine some of them.
1. As it is commonly said,
the first step to solving any problem is to admit that it actually exists.
Couples need to admit that though all fingers are not equal in size they must still stay together on the same hand.
To live in peace they must therefore accept their individual distinctions, such as differences in personalities, values, and beliefs.
2. Couples should create room for sharing.
They should dig up their common values, principles and interests, and leverage on these to establish a solid connection.
They can identify common goals and emphasize what binds them together, rather than focusing on divisive issues.
3. Couples must embark on conciliatory moves.
They need to go out of their way to find a middle ground for compromise by:
- looking for areas of agreement at all times
- resisting temptation to take hard or rigid stances and positions on issues concerning their relationship.
4. Couples must learn
to relate openly, freely and honestly.
You can enrich your interactions by doing the following:
- express yourselves clearly
- clarify your perspectives to remove ambiguity or distortions
- give yourselves good listening ears
5. It's not easy
but it can be done: Be Calm.
Stay calm, because Patience is a virtue, which means that it is a valuable personality trait or ability to wait for something to happen without being frustrated. Patience will drum calmness into you if you give it a chance.
You need both qualities to:
- resist adding fuel to the fire (aggravating) of an already super-boiling situation
- manage your emotions, bring tempers down and address challenges with a cool head
6. Most times,
it only takes wearing the other guy's shoes to know where they pinch.
By this I mean that if couples can empathize with one another and try to view things from each other's angle, comfort, progress and tranquility will easily come to them.
7. Moving forward,
couples must at all times respect the rights of one another.
For example, what are the things that are acceptable or not acceptable to your partner?
You have to appreciate your individuality: being in a relationship is never a licence to forget that you are two different persons.
You must consequently obey and respect the following personal rights:
- Right to express or hold own opinions and feelings
- Right to make individual decisions
- Right to pursue own interests
- Right to spend time alone
- Right to have own friends
- Right to own belongings and possessions
- Right to personal growth and development
- Right to Personal boundaries and autonomy
Indeed, a chief cornerstone
of how couples can stay together without discord is for them to accord due recognition, regard, and respect to each other's rights.
8. Finally, couples
should lean to practice "stepping aside" whenever the oven gets too hot.
For example, in the midst of heated disagreements, it's more reasonable that one of you should leave the room, or go somewhere else.
Adding your own anger will only worsen matters, because they are literally easier to resolve when nerves and emotions have cooled down and one can think straight and properly.
So, when it gets too hot, step aside to reflect on a more effective approach to the issue at hand.
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