It's not news that Ego is a strong factor that causes conflicts in relationships.
All things considered, divorces don't happen in vacuum, most are founded on serious reasons.
Ego grabs a huge chunk of that.
That's because it fuels all the bad variables in a union, such as attempts to control and dominate, power struggles, insensitivity, abusiveness, negative competitiveness, etc.
As a critical relationship fault-line, what can we identify as the causes of ego?
Realizing how greatly it can militate against efforts to proffer solution to relationship conflicts, let's talk about it.
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You may call it overactive ego, or an overdose of self- doting.
However you may choose to tag it, one identity is indelibly stamped on it: Egomania.
You wonder why there are conflicts to eliminate?
Egomania!
You wonder why couples quarrel?
Egomania!
Perhaps you have often pondered on couple fault-lines and what might be working against resolving conflicts between them?
Egomania!
You seek answers to couples' Medusa heads of conflicts?
It is medically regarded as a psychological disorder and refers to a mentally-manipulated condition.
To simplify, it is an obsessive or excessive preoccupation with one's own sense of self-importance, self-esteem, and individual identity
In layman's terms, it represents a state of mind whereby somebody gets consumed by personal ego, an exaggerated and therefore wrong notion of oneself and abilities, accomplishments, and entitlements.
Like most human weaknesses and faultlines, identifying an overactive ego does not require possessing an academic degree in any discipline.
Since it is a behavioural activity, its impacts can be seriously physical and thereby effortlessly recognizable.
Here are some of its most
common features:
- a manner that is generally termed "arrogance", which is actually a case of excessive self-confidence
- a person's inability to tolerate or accept criticism or feedback, no matter how constructive it may be
- actions seeking to attract constant praise, attention, or validation
- Competing aggressively with single-minded intention to win, dominate, or prove that one is superior to anyone else.
- a consistent desire to be in charge, to control, dominate conversations, and assert one's own opinions over other people.
- refusal to consider the perspectives of others or to empathize with them in any way
- a selfish tendency to be manipulative and exploit other persons for personal gain
- regular practice of refusing to take responsibility for one's actions or mistakes
- being too critical, judgemental and condemnatory of others
- being boastful and self-aggrandizing, which describes a person who indecently exaggerates or embellishes his or her own accomplishments, abilities, or importance in order to enhance his or her power, wealth, position, or reputation.
- condescending or patronizing attitude of looking down on folks.
- alternate sundry acts or demonstrations expressing unreasonable yearnings for admiration, recognition, or control.
Its Unhealthy Desires
As a common partnership faultline, egomania undoubtedly renders efforts at resolving conflicts between couples more complicated.
Some of its unhealthy and inordinate motives are usually displayed as desires for:
- Power and control over someone else
- Acknowledgement, admiration, and praise
- Special treatment and entitlements
- Constant validation and reassurance
- Dominance and superiority over colleagues or partners
- escape from accountability or criticism.
Downsides Of Uncontrolled Ego
In more ways than one, overactive ego (or egomania) can be very disruptive, particularly in couple dynamics.
Here are some of its downsides:
1. Of course, its simplest lash can effortlessly destroy friendships and relationships.
2. Also, it never fails to create a suffocative habitat of tension, stress, and anxiety.
3. Again, being egoistical makes it virtually impossible for somebody to demonstrate empathy and compassion.
Hence, it may foreclose all opportunities for compromise.
4. Next, it clouds a person's sense of judgement and harms their decision-making capability.
5. Moving on, it generates reluctance or failure to admit to making mistakes or to learn from failures.
6. Likewise, it not only generates but also increases arguments and discord.
7. Additionally, it can damage someone's self-awareness and introspection by painting negative self-image and distorting reality.
8. Similarly, because it is divisive, it does not enable one to establish meaningful and positive connections with partners, friends, spouse, etc.
9. Invariably, an ego-centric fellow will gradually get sidelined, isolated, and thus become lonely.
10. As a matter of fact, by entrenching an unreal self-image and exaggerated credentials, it weakens a person's creative and innovative capabilities.
The chances of failure and rejection are therefore multiplied.
11. Indeed, because overactive ego is primarily deceptive, it will discourage its host from facing reality.
That is to say that they can't buckle up to be resilient or to adapt to existing facts or situation around them.
12. In addition, it breeds a compulsive urge to seek to manipulate and control other folks.
13. Finally, a couple afflicted with egomania could suffer from its unhealthy effects, which in turn will open them up to mental health challenges.
The Gains Of Resistance
In the same way that its practice can be devastating in outcome, avoiding it equally offers immense profits.
Let's identify some of them.
1. As a couple, being selfless will tremendously help you to make better-informed, thoughtful, and balanced decisions, thereby avoiding impulsive choices.
2. Also, it can boost your ability to show empathy and understanding,. As such your interactions will become stronger and richer, and your relationship more meaningful.
3. Further, it should stimulate calmness, resilience, and strong focus under pressure in a couple, thus increasing their ability to manage stress, adversity, and change.
4. Even more, a disabused and humble mindset will cause you to possess self-control, be increasingly reliable, trustworthy, credible, and able to make sound judgements.
5. More: resisting overactive ego is a sure way for couples to remove barriers and enjoy free, open and honest communication.
It facilitates mutual respect, responsiveness, and opportunities to avert misunderstandings.
6. More importantly, couples without ego will understand themselves better, and not be afraid to admit to being weak or wrong.
This assists them to effect personal reforms to become better versions of themselves.
7. Proceeding, we have to realize that egomania is basically a confusing web of emotional burden.
Being rid of it is always an escape from stress, anxiety and depression.
Doing this will improve your state of mental health and well-being.
8. Undeniably too, having an unbiased and moderate mindset will strengthen a couple's capacity for peaceful coexistence, self-discipline, and resolving conflicts between each other.
10. Beyond this, it is a fact that ego-free people are often more receptive to new ideas, perspectives and experiences.
As a result, they are highly motivated and become more creative and innovative.
11. To round up, a couple who exhibits lack of egoistical behaviour or attitudes will constitute worthy examples to be emulated.
In short, through their responsible conduct, they may be viewed as positive role models.
If you asked me, I would posit that attempting to arrest egomania is another way of saying: doing what ego would never allow you to do!
How can you accomplish that?
That's our next assignment and we will do just that in the next few concluding paragraphs.
1. As a couple, I suggest we stop boasting and bragging
Step on the breaks just right there.
I am sure your partner has had enough of your self-broadcasting endless list of achievements.
We agree, you are a great guy, but can you please take a breather?
Give your partner a break, okay?
I am sure you've both contributed something, therefore there's no need blowing any unilateral trumpet.
2. Likewise, partners have to resist behaviours which belittle each other.
Making either of you to feel insignificant and inferior can never create any friendship, so it's time to change the narrative.
It's very provocative to seek advantage by deliberately making other people to feel less confident, or incapable and unworthy.
3. Actually, it's best to shun dismissive and uncaring attitudes.
Nothing generates enmity more than when people feel ignored, snubbed or made to feel inconsequential.
It suggests that you must avoid disregarding your partner's opinions, feelings, contributions, or efforts.
4. Besides, it pays much to quit feeling entitled
to automatic praise, obedience, or special treatment.
Remember, what you give is what you get in return. Nobody owes you obeisance.
5. Beyond this, wisdom
resides in your choosing to be considerate and modest in your expectations.
Try selflessly to give priority to your partner's needs and concerns occasionally.
Overactive ego promotes selfishness, hence you must resist it boldly and refuse to be self-centered.
6. Advisedly, remember this too: no one can be right every time.
In fact, if not back then, possibly you may be wrong this time around!
That's because nobody can be infallible: we all unintentionally strike our big toe against a stone along the path every once in a while, don't we?.
So it's right for couples to admit their flaws and weaknesses and honestly deal with it, instead of hiding behind walls of negative ego.
7. Similarly, you should cultivate the habit of sharing the glory
and shy away from the unethical practice of claiming the credit alone.
Accept that your partner played a role too, if not even the most pivotal bit of it.
8. Imagine yourself in another person's shoes
Invariably, it will benefit you a lot to start putting your feet in your partner's shoes, so that you may understand where it pinches.
By doing this you will successfully feel each other's pulse, comprehend each other's feelings, and relate or bond better.
9. Beware of being isolated.
Moreover, egomania lives on top of a high mountain all by its lonely self and I am sure you are tired of being isolated or avoided.
That means you have to cultivate a regular pattern of apologizing and saying "Sorry" whenever you are at fault.
It makes you friendly and approachable.
It equally builds trust and confidence between partners.
10. Stop fearing criticism.
Furthermore, another way forward is to value and accept constructive criticism at all times.
End the unreasonable combativeness and competition for what doesn't exist.
After all, it's a relationship - and not a rat race.
By making yourselves accessible, advisable and correctable, you can create a world of beauty in your association.
11. It pays to be accountable.
More so, since a common rule of negative ego is to resist accountability, couples have to ensure that they are deliberately accountable to one another.
It's a matter of necessity.
It will assist them to prove their readiness to be transparent and accept consequences for their actions.
Such a development will fortify commitment and loyalty between them.
12. Humility is an efficient game changer.
In addition, it is necessary to be humble and a team player.
Rather than overestimating or overrating yourself (which negative ego does), partners should endeavor to cooperate with each other.
By being realistic and collaborative, they can avoid conflicts and enrich their relationship.
13. Try appreciating.
On another level, you should further deflate egomania by choosing to appreciate and support each other.
Gratitude is the simplest way to eliminate discord and you can decide to focus on the good qualities of one another, on improving yourselves, and fulfilling your collective goals.
14. Stop being an unbendable pole.
Indeed, let's be reminded that in matters of positive relationships,
egomania is a rigid pole and blind as a bat.
On the contrary, as a couple, you need to become flexible and be ready to adapt or change your approach and embrace new perspectives, whenever it's necessary to do so.
15. Don't be a control addict.
Finally,, partners ought to stop scheming to dominate or control one another.
That's actively one of the best forms of resistance against egoistical tendencies.
One way it shows up is through unnecessary and constant judgemental and condemnatory complaints and criticism.
Consequently, it's crucial for you to put an end to being unfairly or overly critical of yourselves.
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